Our After-Every-Show Picture :)

This is probably the last of my performances my sister is going to get to see for a really long time.

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”

—	Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

My weekend will consist of

- Putting new CD's on the computer
- Studying for my anatomy quiz (which is monday)
- Other various homework assignments
- Practicing songs for Footloose
- Finishing reading "The Jungle"
- Doing laundry
- Washing all my costumes
- Party at Amber&Kevin's tonight
- Church on Sunday
- And maybe Walking/Talking Dead on Sunday night

I cannot wait until spring break.

Fight for what's right

My whole career so far, has been a fight, a fight for my rights as an artist, a fight for everything. I have been taught that you have to communicate to someone when you have a problem, you have to fight to be treated right.

Today a person from the year book pulled me out of class to do a short interview over Pride&Prejudice. I just told her that I don't feel comfortable doing an interview when there are no pictures of my cast's performance in the year book. I can't let them think that it was okay that they only sent a photographer for one cast. There were a lot of great people in my cast that did a fantastic job and we have all been kind of gypped by not getting recognized for the three months we spent on that show.

Lately, I have been questioning myself a lot. I may not need to justify my career choices to other people, but I have to be able to "justify" them to myself. The thing I have rediscovered, is that movies, and TV, and music reach more people than anything else in the entire world. These things can be really powerful, they can influence people, and if they are done right, this is a really good thing. I have spent the last two weeks watching probably about 12 movies, and each one I watched touched something in me, reminded me why I have always been drawn to this industry. It can be a beautiful place, and I just want to be a part of that.

Movies Movies Movies

Unscheduled snow day.
Thank the Lord

Kassie's Birthday party

Movies I watched yesterday :)

Don't Know Why (Cover)

This is what I have to show for after doing 22 takes. I am so lucky to have a father who is willing to sit and listen to me sing(and mess up) the same song 21 times.

No School, just practice.

This Valentine’s Day I am single

 And although most people get really bent out of shape about not having a boyfriend on February 14th, I am completely okay with it. I have been through a lot this last year and while it has been pretty rough, ultimately, I am glad that it happened. I have learned a lot about myself and the things I deem acceptable in a person. I think that is a huge step in the right direction. 

I spent my Valentine’s Day this year at musical practice and then had dinner with one of my good friends, Amber. So even though society seems to think that I need a man in my life in order for this day to be a relevant holiday for me, I am content with being “alone” and appreciating the amazing people I have in my life. 

Happy Valentine’s Day from Oklahoma everyone<3

Happy Monday :)

So, Sabrie and I realized that we are going to have to go shopping before she moves because we borrow each other's clothes too often. A lot is changing. Am I ready for it?

SundaySunday

All I have done today is play "Don't know why" by Norah Jones (which will be my next cover) and watch The Walking Dead marathon. I should really go read The Jungle for a couple hours and get caught up on all of that, but it is just so hard today. It is beautiful outside and I have the music bug big time today. So, maybe I will read, or maybe I will read some other day, but right now, I am really enjoying my Sunday.

Tell Me a Lie - One Direction Cover

Things in my life right now

1. I took my ACT this morning.

2. In six months, I am going to live in New York for 4 weeks for school, and my sister is moving half way across the country, to Philly.

3. There are 3 and a half weeks left of musical practice, and we started running the show last week! I feel as if there is all the time in the world. By the time performance week rolls around, we are going to know this show like the back of our hands.

4. I should be posting some covers for youtube pretty soon. I am supposed to record "Tell me a lie" by One Direction today, and then in a couple more weeks we will record "I don't know why" by Norah Jones. I am also learning "Homeward Bound" by Simon && Garfunkel, which is going to be really hard but really exciting. I don't see the point in learning something easy, I might as well challenge myself, and this is the perfect song for the job.

5. After musical, I might start taking a jazz/ballet class. I am really nervous just thinking about it, but I know it is something that I need to do.

6. Walking Dead comes back tomorrow<3

Trip Fil-A

I had dinner with Amber&&Kevin tonight :) It was lovely<3

February 5th is obviously not my day

Burned my hand on my curling iron

put my tights on inside out

went home sick in 3rd hour

musical practice

guitar lessons

english homework

The Jungle

sleep sleep sleep

water

sleep.

Go on youtube and look up

Scott Avett sings "November Blue"

I can feel his voice in my bones. <3

I Would Be Sad

You know me; I've always been the kind with easy confidence. 
Confident enough to honestly beleive that nothing out there stopping me especially not someone who's not loving me.
Now listen here I told you I could live on with out loving you. 
I was bluffing then, but it seems that just might have been the truth.
Well my dad told me, "One day son, this girl will think of what she's done and hurting you will be the first of many more regrets to come." 
And he said, "If she doesn't call, then it's her fault and it's her loss."
I say, "It's not that simple see, but then again it just may be."

- The Avett Brothers
     I Would Be Sad



It's been a long couple of days. 

I had a dream last night, that I was with a bunch of drama kids and we all went to one of their house's and then you were there. There was this awkward silence where everyone was just kind of looking at me to see how I would react. Even in my dream I cried. I went into the other room and you followed me and we got in this huge fight. We were screaming at each other and I was balling. At the end of the dream, we fixed everything and we could both finally breath because everything was out on the table. There was no more tension.

It has been a really emotional day for me.

To say the least.

Blue Like Jazz

I read the book Blue Like Jazz by Don Miller, two Summers ago in a car on the way home from Colorado. My parents were sitting in the front seat with the windows rolled down because while we were out of town the AC in our car went out. I was sitting in the backseat next to a cooler filled with bottled water and Diet Rite, with a blanket on my lap and my pillow with it's purple patterned pillowcase sitting next to me. We were listening to the Cd Emotionalism by The Avett Brothers. I spent that Summer memorizing that Cd. I turned it on when I took showers in the basement of my Aunt's cabin in CO and hummed the melodies as I washed my hair. I fell asleep every night listening to The Sparrow and the Crow by William Fitzsimmons partly because it was soothing and partly because it drowned out the snoring that arose from my parents, nearly 15feet away from where I slept. That Summer I wrote the song I'm All In and started the journey of figuring out that I could actually pursue this as a career, and in fact, I would be insane not to because there is nothing else in the world I wanted (and still want) more. Reading Blue Like Jazz with the cool breeze brushing over me and the mountains out my window, I discovered what it really means to love people. That book changed, or rather, enhanced what I knew about being a Christian and what it really meant to love everyone. The reason I am bringing all of this up, is because I just watched Blue Like Jazz the movie (which came out in 2012). I had no idea it was a movie, and watching it today curled up with a blanket and pillow, I could feel the mountain air and hear faintly The Avett Brothers singing about shame, with the kind of harmony that is only found when two brothers sing about something they care about. I came home that Summer with a head full of songs and a fresh breath of air that I found in the lungs of Blue Like Jazz.

Les Mis. & Friends

Last night after practice Amber, Kevin, Kassie, Taylor, Hayden, and I went to Christina's house to watch Les Mis. and devour our weight in pizza. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

February 1st.
My day looks like this :
-School
-Musical Practice
-Les Mis. watch party at Christina's house
-Home
-Read/homework/scholarships/other important things
-Sleep<3

Happy February :)

Update Part 1

I decided that the best way to make myself accountable on my New Years Resolutions and all the other things I want to do this year, I have to write about my progress(or lack of progress) every month.

One thing that is really important for me is to become a better musician, and that means practicing all the time. I haven't been able to play an instrument EVERY day, but I have been doing pretty well for myself. I have played my guitar almost every day this month. I am in the middle of writing two or...actually three new songs right now as a result of making sure I actually spend time working on my craft. I am also going to start playing piano again. I haven't touched the keys in so long...I am going to refresh some old, but pretty impressive, songs that I learned awhile ago, and then maybe I will start learning a cover.

I have been doing my ten minute writes nearly everyday. It is almost impossible to do it on a weekend but I still try to. I have learned a lot about myself this month from my writing. It has actually been a pretty therapeutic experience for me. I would vote this a success.

I want to start getting more involved in film acting. I am going to call a couple of the community colleges around here and see if there is a way I can get involved in some student films or projects. I think this is the next step I need to take with my acting. Since the Film Festival, I got the acting bug again. I just get so excited about everything and maybe I get carried away sometimes, but that is good. It means I still love what I'm doing.

Trail Dance Film Festival - 2013

 The Trail Dance Film Festival was such a fun weekend! Two days full of movies all day long<3 Some movies were INCREDIBLE and others were a little less than that, but over all, the whole experience was so great!

Choreography Day - 3

I am so exhausted from Choreography all week. On Friday my dad and I are going out of town for the weekend to go to a film festival! I am super excited for it!

Locked up.

I locked my keys in my car yesterday.
Had to cancel my guitar lesson.
Found out I was locked out of my house
Waited outside in the cold for two hours until my mom got home.
And then had to wake up at 6:00am to start a new day.

Yesterday was a very long day.
lol

Choreography Day 1

 I'm going to IHOP with my momma this morning and then I have to pick up Amber and Kevin to go to the school for Choreography. It is going to be a long day. We have practice from 9:00am till 4:00pm. Then I have a Starbucks date with Zac after practice and then I have to FINALLY finish my Eng. essay that I keep putting off.

My Day

I had Nursery Duty at Church today. It wasn't too bad, but I came home smelling like crap(literally)...so that was gross!

Steak and the Graham Norton Show for Lunch

I watched the first episode of the new season of Being Human! I am so excited! I missed that show a ton!!!! It also comes on tomorrow so I will get to watch it on Tuesday :D

I spent three hours talking (and crying) through my music with my Dad. I am so emotional and always end up crying, but I feel really good about the music I have created this last year or so. For the first time, I feel like I have something substantial, something I can share with the world and be completely proud of. That is such a good feeling especially after all the heartache it took to write most of these songs.

I spent a lot of time today thinking about New York and how it will be to go to school and live there for a month this Summer. I am so excited and scared but in a really good way. This is going to be good.

Jekyll & Hyde

 Dressing up is so fun :)
I'm going to see Jekyll&Hyde today! It should be a really good show!

GoodQuizzicalDay

Today,
I made a 100% on my Anatomy quiz in 1st hour.
Then,
I made a 100% on my Chapter 18 History quiz.

That is the first 100 I have made on a APUSH quiz this year! I am so thrilled, I cannot even explain to you. I think I have finally gotten into a rhythm that works for me. This is going to be a really good semester. I am going to make sure of that!<3

Today officially ends the 2nd week of musical practice. Next week is Choreography(finally, a good excuse to wear yoga pants in public), and then we start running the show. Time flies. Time Flies.

I am learning very quickly that to be in the entertainment industry, I have to be willing to fight for everything. I have to be willing to ask for help, but I also have to be willing to put my foot down and not get taken advantage of. This is a tough industry, but I am going to fight my heart out to stay alive in it.

Sunday Starbucks

I guess having Starbucks on Sunday is becoming a thing for me.

I went to Starbucks with Zac today. I bought his since his birthday was last Tuesday. The whole ride there and home, I made him listen to One Direction! Poor boy, he was so mad! haha!

Last night I stayed up until about 2:00 in the morning. I have not done that is the longest time. Around ten, my mom went to bed and Sabe was watching the Thunder game at a friend's house, so I was completely alone and bored. So I decided to watch Fight Club. I could try to explain why I love Fight Club so much, but I'm not sure you would let me get through the list. Fight Club is one of my favorite movies, let's just leave it there. :) When that was over, I was going to go to bed because I was really tired but instead, I ended up texting Zac (and Steven and Kevin, but mostly Zac) until 2:00 while laying in bed watching 'Say Yes to the dress'.  I would say it was a pretty eventful night.

Also,
I finished reading 'Letters to a Young Poe'.

It was a really good book. It really helped me realize that the reason I am the way I am is because I am an artist and that that is completely okay. He talked a lot about how being lonely is a good thing for artists to know how to do. Its a necessary pain that can feed your writing. That was a good thing for me to hear at this point in my life. I think I am going to read it again, next year at this time and see what it brings me. I would recommend this book to any aspiring artist. I'm so glad I heard about it when I did.

Overall, I am just really glad that is is Friday today.

Sock bun who who ha!

 Happy girl. I've had some rough times in the last eight months, but I am starting to grow from it and get out of it. Sure, I still have those nights where it is all I can think about, but those nights turn to days and every day holds a new beginning, a new chance to be happy. Being a teenager is hard. I know that sounds cliche and everything, but it really is true. It is a time in your life where you have no previous experience and so everything you do you are doing on a leap of faith. I was watching the special features for Blue Valentine last night and one thing that was said really struck me.

"Approach everything with the willingness to learn and the optimism to know you will."

 I really like that idea. I like the idea of not being afraid to fail, even at something you love, even in front of people. I want that.

First day back day first

Today was the first day of the Second Semester of my Junior year. I don't know why I am feeling so positive and excited about this but I really am. I have been taking small steps my entire life and slowly those small steps have turned into miles long hikes and I am getting closer to the end. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and that is a very nice feeling. January holds all these new possibilities and that just makes my heart jump in its cage. We start musical practice tomorrow. I am excited to be doing a show again. I love acting so much! Also, Aaron and I are working on a cover of "Tell me a lie" by One Direction and I am really pleased with how it is starting to sound. I think it is going to be so great!


I'm going to go make brownies for Zac because it is his birthday...
then I am probably going to make brownies for us because I like brownies.

Good Night Everyone<3

This is perfect

“

With “Kiss You,” One Direction releases another single where they play the underdog that will do anything to woo over the girl of their dreams. They acknowledge insecurities, send a positive message and just want to have fun. That’s why people love them. Their music is cheesy and delicious.

 

We could sit around a pizza talking about its basic properties and how it’s essentially just a bread-cooked tomato sauce with cheese –- or we could just fucking eat the pizza and fucking love it. Not everything has to be that serious. I mean, for Christ’s sake, Niall actually sings “chinny chin chin” in “Kiss You.” We could spend all day talking about the ridiculousness of that -– or we could just smile and dance to their infectious cheesy pop perfection. You know you want to. Just have a slice.

”

—	Alexander Gold, One Direction’s “Kiss You” Video comes out today so I’d like to come out as the 24-year old who wore a onesie to their concert (via tyleroakley)

To Do Today :)

I decided I want to try and be productive today. (Even though I spent the first three hours of my day in the ER)

This is what is on my To Do List for today :
1. Put all my pictures from Europe in the Photo Album.

2. Actually start memorizing lines for Footloose. (I should have started this so long ago, but it just did not happen!)

3. Do my laundry! This is a big one because I have to start school on Tuesday and I will need all my yoga pants to be clean...I mean...I will need all my clothes to be clean...? What?

4. Work out as much as I can without bothering my leg.

5. Learn all the new chords I need to know for "Don't know why" by Norah Jones.



I just kind of needed to write these down so I have an actual game plan of what I want to get done today. I am ready to start having more productive days again. All this time off is freaking me out. I don't know what to do with myself!

Blue Valentine

I watched Blue Valentine again. It is the type of movie where you start to become completely aware of the fact that your heart is beating and it hurts. It aches. It is such a sad movie, but it isn't the type of sad that you cry for. It is the kind that reaches inside your chest and makes you feel so deeply this depression that is in these people's relationship. It really just breaks my heart. I never expect the movie to end either. Then it does and I am just sitting there feeling my heartbeat and starring at the credits until my eyes go out of focus and all I see is the black room around the TV.

It's such a quiet ache, this ache.

Coffee. Target. Falling apart.

I am kind of starting to stress out about my leg. It is getting worse every day. My mom is going to have to re-lance it tonight and I am super scared because it hurts so much.

I just about had a mental break down a minute ago trying to order food from Johnny Carino's over the phone so my mom can pick it up on her way home. Things should not be this stressful.

I went to Starbucks(and Target) with Steven for awhile today. It was actually pretty fun! I got some colorful pens and the movie "Blue Valentine" which is one of my favorites.

I have the song 'First Love' by Adele stuck in my head because I was listening to it in my car.

This post is really pointless, I'm sorry.

The thing about 2013, is that it isn't much different than any other year. I want it to be different though. I want something new and I am trying my hardest to do something about it.


I'm going to go do my ten minute write (that I should have done this morning) and practice guitar a little before my mom gets home with a scalpel. :/

I signed up for my first ACT today.
The big day is February 9th.
I am growing up!

The infection in my leg is getting worse. It hurts so much. I haven't been able to do my full workouts for the last few days because of it.

I had my last session with KC&David today. It feels good to finally have all my songs ready to be sent to my producer. Now I just have to work everything out with him and see if this is going to work out :)

I have been doing my ten minute writes everyday and it feels good! I am going to push myself so hard with my writing this year. I am really excited about what the results will be<3

Headaches.LesMis.Filming.

This morning when I woke up, I still had a massive headache. I took some Advil and then I went with my parents to go see Les Mis (while wearing yoga pants and a v-neck I might add). The movie was fantastic, but it was kind of hard to focus sometimes because there was not a single comfortable way to sit where my leg didn't hurt and my head didn't pound. If I had been less distracted, I would have cried the entire movie...it was just that good! I decided to take a nap when I got home, which turned out to be the best decision I have ever made. I laid down for about two hours (but only slept maybe one) and by the time I woke up, I felt so much better. Then I spent the next 6 and a half hours filming for the PSA. It was a little slow at first, but I ended up having a ton of fun! I am really glad I did it, but I am also really glad that it is over. It is just one more thing I can cross of my calendar and one more thing I can put on my resume. Things are happening. Can you feel it? I just feel like good things are coming. Maybe a lot of new things, but they will be good new things. I am so excited for this year and I don't really think I could explain why. It is just really good to be alive and I am realizing more everyday that I love acting&music. Every new scary thing I have tried in either of those areas, has paid off and ended up being a great experience. I spent a lot of 2012 being out of my comfort zone, trying new things, learning. But guess what happened? My comfort zone grew. It expanded, and now I am doing more things that are out of my comfort zone because I am a little addicted. I love the feeling you get after you have done something you never thought you could. It is amazing and I plan on doing a lot of that this year.

At some point in January, I guess I have to stop talking about the New Year and all that jazz, but I'm going to milk it for awhile because I just feel so good about it right now, and I may not feel like that forever.

I really just want Harry Styles to show up at my house and profess his love for me. Is that too much to ask for?



I have had a headache all day. Regardless, I have done my ten minute write, played guitar (bought two pairs of yoga pants) and am about to work out. I am excited for what this year will hold for me. I think I am finally feeling ready to get back to school and musical. After Pride&Prejudice, I was so exhausted and I think I am starting to catch up. I have the rest of this week to rest up and that is a very nice feeling.

This day has been really long. It is only five and it feels like it should be about 11:00pm. I am so exhausted because of my medicine for my leg.

I am upset because I actually have to get dressed and leave my house in a minute for my guitar lesson. While I'm gone...I'm going to buy another pair of yoga pants. No one needs to know though, okay?

Happy January 1st:)

New Year's Resolutions

Starting the New Year right 

My four New Year's Resolutions. 

1. Play an instrument everyday. Now the reason I said "instrument" instead of being more specific with the instrument I should play, is that I don't want to limit myself. I want to be a fluent guitar and piano player. But perhaps I will learn how to play the harmonica or violin as well. The possibilities are there, it is only a matter of me following through. By playing everyday, I am actively solving a problem. I wish I was a better guitarist and this is how I plan to accomplish that. My first resolution is to play every day.

2. Write for ten minutes every morning. I know I am making all of these "every day" things, but I think it is important to establish good habits instead of indulging bad ones (such as spending five hours a day glued to a computer screen). In this book I have about songwriting, they suggest writing for ten minutes every morning. The purpose is to engage the creative side of your brain, the writer inside of you, early in the morning so that you can see the world through the eyes of an artist instead of the sleepy eyes that you would see from otherwise. It will also make me a better writer. The more you do something, the better you become, right? That's the idea anyway.

3. Get in shape. I know what you are thinking, "how generic!" Am I right? But not only does working outand eating healthier help you get in shape, it also stimulates your brain and relieves stress. The more active my brain is, the better my songwriting and school work will be. (Are you seeing a theme? hah!)  I found that for me, it is easier to get something done or stick to something if I have a clear plan of how I want to do it. With that said I am making a plan to workout daily, if only for a few minutes, and do yoga every week. It will be a slow start, as it always is, and I will probably have to allow my plan to adapt as the year goes on, but I have to start somewhere.

4. Grow in my relationship with God. This is the most important one. I sometimes let my relationship with God go on the back burner, but I want to actively seek His love a grace more and more this year. It is going to be a year full of growth and new experiences and I don't want to lose sight of what is really important. I am going to stick my little nose in the Word and ask for eyes to understand.God is so faithful.

I will have monthly updates about how I am doing on all my New Year's resolutions. Hope 2013 is a great one! 





Also, maybe this isn't the time, but I want to live my whole life in yoga pants. They are the most comfortable things in the entire world. Would it be wrong to make wearing yoga pants every day a New Year's Resolution? Probably, so I won't do that. Maybe next year though.